Saturday, June 29, 2013

It's That Time Again - Funny Dating Emails

Yes, I am on an online dating site....again....  Not that I'm in a hurry to date by any means, but I do enjoy getting to know new people.  If it turns to love, great.  If not, I'm happy as I am, so there's no loss in being "out there".  You can read my other dating emails HERE or HERE.

And by putting a profile on a dating site, I get some entertaining emails.  So, just as before, I will just copy and paste with no names attached....

"The good news is that I'm completely able to read a woman's mind and predict her moods! Just like Mel Gibson in that old movie. Cause you know, what guy on a dating website doesn't have that ability!"
(This is actually a quality that would be useful.  Unfortunately, most of my mind is warped.)

"I think we would have fun hanging out sometime. I know I don't have a picture but if you combined Chris Farley and Channing Tatum, that would be me."
(This made me laugh out loud.  I'm still trying to come up with a mental image of what this guy looks like.)

"I cook! My dad says i'll make a great 1950's housewife for some fine lady one day."
(This guy is hilarious.  Honestly, he would have looked great in an apron.)

"And while it is true i'm not 5'11- i bet i would be in the wonder woman boots"
(What is it with guys and wanting to dress like a woman??)

"Second, I did go on a date with someone from Match last week but we decided we were better off friends. She advised me about some things to change about my profile but I wanted to email you first-so you don't get lost in the shuffle after the ladies blow up my email once I make these changes! 
 If you have interest I am available for immediate delivery :-)"
(Hahahaha.  I was actually waiting patiently to read the new and improved never happened)

There were also some "not so nice" emails I received.  A couple of them were telling me that it looks like I just want a man to be my lap dog and do everything for me.  I had to laugh at that. If anyone knows me at all, it's that I do everything for myself.

I am also very picky about musical taste;  it says a lot more about a person than you think.  It can indicate political views, attitude, emotional stability, and a ton of other things. I would like to find someone with similar taste and appreciation for the type of music I frequently listen.  It's important to me.  With that said, I received this gem just yesterday....

"I happen to like Jimmy Buffett, so that means you don't respect me? You obviousl;y have a very
high opinon of yourself. I have a Ph.D. What's your educational background? How judgemental can you get?? Please don't respond. We have nothing in common. I pity the guy you do hook up with."
(I SO wanted to write back and tell him he spelled two words incorrectly. lol. Ok, I actually did tell him he spelled judgmental wrong.)

Anyway, back to funny ones.

"I have finally found a sexy sewer"
(For several seconds I thought, "A sewer?  Like an underground drain?  That makes no sense".  Then I realized he was saying sexy SEAMSTRESS.  Hahaha)

"I know, I know.....i look mad at the world and i need to smile! Im sorry! I really do smile just cant make myself when i take my own pics...."
(Yes, because handing the camera to someone else to take a smiley pic is too ridiculous, and you don't want girls thinking you're nice anyway.)

"I am 56 years old. Everything still works fine."
(Oh my God)

"And by God I have been a very good boy this year! So I am adding you to my Christmas list! So don't be a damn Scrooge!!!"
(But I'm so good at being a "damn" Scrooge!)

"You make all my other matches look like beggin strips"
(I actually wrote back and dated this one for a while.)

"Reading your profile I note that you state you are really good at rapping the theme song to Ghostbusters II. I have written a rap poem and want to find someone to rap it and place it on you tube. Would you be interested in such a task? As far as dating, though I am a bit more mature than your specified age range, if, after reading my profile, you are interested in further communication whether rapping and/or dating, I would be delighted to hear from you."
(Ok, so this is an OLD white guy that wrote a rap, that wants a super white girl with no rhythm to rap on youtube. Sounds like it can't go wrong at all.)

"I don't care about dating... Can I just follow you around for a while?"
(I know I have a nice butt, but this is a little weird)

"I went to School in Haverford and lived with my Aunt an Uncle"
(I was kind of waiting for this to turn into a Fresh Prince of Bel Aire type of thing, but it kind of fizzled there at the end.  It was also random, because I live five states away from Haverford.)

"Y'all's traffic sucks at 5:30"
(Good thing dates start after rush hour!  And really, what town doesn't have bad traffic at 5:30 on a Friday?)

"Awkward Silence!lol"
(Out of nowhere. lol)

Well, folks, that's all I have for now.  You KNOW I will keep a log and update you all soon.


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