Saturday, June 29, 2013

It's That Time Again - Funny Dating Emails

Yes, I am on an online dating site....again....  Not that I'm in a hurry to date by any means, but I do enjoy getting to know new people.  If it turns to love, great.  If not, I'm happy as I am, so there's no loss in being "out there".  You can read my other dating emails HERE or HERE.

And by putting a profile on a dating site, I get some entertaining emails.  So, just as before, I will just copy and paste with no names attached....

"The good news is that I'm completely able to read a woman's mind and predict her moods! Just like Mel Gibson in that old movie. Cause you know, what guy on a dating website doesn't have that ability!"
(This is actually a quality that would be useful.  Unfortunately, most of my mind is warped.)

"I think we would have fun hanging out sometime. I know I don't have a picture but if you combined Chris Farley and Channing Tatum, that would be me."
(This made me laugh out loud.  I'm still trying to come up with a mental image of what this guy looks like.)

"I cook! My dad says i'll make a great 1950's housewife for some fine lady one day."
(This guy is hilarious.  Honestly, he would have looked great in an apron.)

"And while it is true i'm not 5'11- i bet i would be in the wonder woman boots"
(What is it with guys and wanting to dress like a woman??)

"Second, I did go on a date with someone from Match last week but we decided we were better off friends. She advised me about some things to change about my profile but I wanted to email you first-so you don't get lost in the shuffle after the ladies blow up my email once I make these changes! 
 If you have interest I am available for immediate delivery :-)"
(Hahahaha.  I was actually waiting patiently to read the new and improved never happened)

There were also some "not so nice" emails I received.  A couple of them were telling me that it looks like I just want a man to be my lap dog and do everything for me.  I had to laugh at that. If anyone knows me at all, it's that I do everything for myself.

I am also very picky about musical taste;  it says a lot more about a person than you think.  It can indicate political views, attitude, emotional stability, and a ton of other things. I would like to find someone with similar taste and appreciation for the type of music I frequently listen.  It's important to me.  With that said, I received this gem just yesterday....

"I happen to like Jimmy Buffett, so that means you don't respect me? You obviousl;y have a very
high opinon of yourself. I have a Ph.D. What's your educational background? How judgemental can you get?? Please don't respond. We have nothing in common. I pity the guy you do hook up with."
(I SO wanted to write back and tell him he spelled two words incorrectly. lol. Ok, I actually did tell him he spelled judgmental wrong.)

Anyway, back to funny ones.

"I have finally found a sexy sewer"
(For several seconds I thought, "A sewer?  Like an underground drain?  That makes no sense".  Then I realized he was saying sexy SEAMSTRESS.  Hahaha)

"I know, I know.....i look mad at the world and i need to smile! Im sorry! I really do smile just cant make myself when i take my own pics...."
(Yes, because handing the camera to someone else to take a smiley pic is too ridiculous, and you don't want girls thinking you're nice anyway.)

"I am 56 years old. Everything still works fine."
(Oh my God)

"And by God I have been a very good boy this year! So I am adding you to my Christmas list! So don't be a damn Scrooge!!!"
(But I'm so good at being a "damn" Scrooge!)

"You make all my other matches look like beggin strips"
(I actually wrote back and dated this one for a while.)

"Reading your profile I note that you state you are really good at rapping the theme song to Ghostbusters II. I have written a rap poem and want to find someone to rap it and place it on you tube. Would you be interested in such a task? As far as dating, though I am a bit more mature than your specified age range, if, after reading my profile, you are interested in further communication whether rapping and/or dating, I would be delighted to hear from you."
(Ok, so this is an OLD white guy that wrote a rap, that wants a super white girl with no rhythm to rap on youtube. Sounds like it can't go wrong at all.)

"I don't care about dating... Can I just follow you around for a while?"
(I know I have a nice butt, but this is a little weird)

"I went to School in Haverford and lived with my Aunt an Uncle"
(I was kind of waiting for this to turn into a Fresh Prince of Bel Aire type of thing, but it kind of fizzled there at the end.  It was also random, because I live five states away from Haverford.)

"Y'all's traffic sucks at 5:30"
(Good thing dates start after rush hour!  And really, what town doesn't have bad traffic at 5:30 on a Friday?)

"Awkward Silence!lol"
(Out of nowhere. lol)

Well, folks, that's all I have for now.  You KNOW I will keep a log and update you all soon.


  1. Thank you for the fantastic article. The place else could anyone get that kind of info in such a perfect means of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I am at the search for such information. Matemingler is the number one dating site for singles seeking long-term relationships. Join for free to be matched with compatible singles.
    number one dating websites, number one free dating website, dating
    number one dating website, the best dating websites

  2. Hey! Good stuff, please keep us posted when you post something like that!
    Thai dating

  3. Hey! Good stuff, please keep us posted when you post something like that!
    Thai dating

  4. By bad date I am referring to a mediocre level bad date where awkward silence and stilted conversation ensues, not the type of bad date you need to run away from. tao of badass

  5. That's exactly why Internet dating online is a booming business. In reality it has always been that way even before the's and the eHarmony's. Check your online dating history textbooks if you don't believe - Dating Site