Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Fall Season

For the first time ever, I had a dream that I was falling.  It was night, and I was driving my van with Eliah in the back.  I was downtown (not where I live), but somewhere I'd never been, that had the very high ramps to get on and off the interstate.  It was dark and I was lost.  I chose one of the ramps and started driving up.  It went higher than all the other ramps, then suddenly I could see that the ramp had a sharp turn ahead, almost a u-turn.  I slowed down as much as I could, and I eased around the corner.  But it didn't matter, the wheels glided over the edge and I could see the front of the van with nothing underneath.

The van started to fall over the edge, and I remember saying to myself, "There is nothing I can do now".  As it started to fall straight down in slow motion, I resolved to the fact that this was the end.  I thanked God for the wonderful life I have had and asked forgiveness for all the things I had done wrong. It felt like I fell for at least a mile. 

Because the van was straight up and down, I could not see where I was going or what was at the bottom.  I assumed it was concrete. All I could see was straight ahead of me,  It was scary, but I had made my peace.  I was just waiting for that moment of impact.  I kept thinking, "I wonder what it will feel like.  I wonder if I will feel pain or just die instantly"

Right before impact, the van turned upside down, and I could see that there was dark water beneath me.  Then I hit it with great force.  The van sunk under the water, and I looked around in the darkness.  I remember thinking, "I'm not dead.  Why am I not dead? Why am I not even hurt?".  This part is silly, but I remembered an episode of Mythbusters about not panicking when you are in a car underwater, and I followed the rules as best I could to get out. 

I swam to shore, but I don't remember getting Eliah out.  He was on shore with me though when the medics were all around. He didn't look to be hurt or bruised, but he was never conscious.  I just kept saying, "He has Hemophilia, I have to give him his shot or he'll die."  Then someone gave me some half-assed supplies, and I ended up breaking off the needle in Eliah's port and not being able to finish.  I felt like I was panicking and doing everything I could possibly do, as fast as possible, but still failing. 

That was it.  I didn't wake up, but the dream ended there.  I know it was a metaphor for what's going on in my life right now.  I'm looking forward to going back to the flying dreams. :)